How {not} to say hello!

Ok, so here is my dilemma > a few days ago a friend came up to say hello. He stretched out his arms for a hug and so with reckless abandon I went in for a hug. The only problem was that he wasn't quite ready for my 'reckless abandon' kind of hug. From an outsiders perspective, i'm pretty sure it looked as if I was trying to crash tackle this guy to the floor.

Thankfully he recovered pre floor landing and we managed to do a little stabilising shuffle/dance kind of thing {all in slow motion of course} and were able resume our pre hug positions. He then took a safety step back and said 'hi'.

Er...awkward!

I still cringe when I replay this trauma in my head, wondering if at any stage in my life I will ever be a normal & non awkward human being. I painfully re-enacted it out to my flatmates when I got home that evening and they literally rolled on the floor in hysterics. And now, what's worse is that this type of 'take advantage' hug has a name > it has now been called the 'Amy'. Ah, how exciting, my moment of trauma has been forever etched in the Stephendale dictionary of terms.

What's worse than this crash-tackle kind of hug though are the memories of 'greetings gone wrong' that this kind of experience evokes. I shudder at the thought of all the times a greeting has gone wrong. Please say this doesn't just happen to me?!?!

Here in England, a greeting can be tricky. We have so many Europeans in the mix that you never know if it's going to be a hug, a one kiss or a two kiss hello! Seriously, I am pretty sure I did not get the memo that states when each of these are appropriate.

Known for my affectionate ways, I tend to want to hug everyone I meet {potentially though, I will reassess the vigour at which I hug in light of the above situation} This hugging affection of mine is not usually a problem unless you go in for the hug and they go in for the kiss and then retreat. Then you have what I like to call the kiss/non hug limbo > where one party is still going in for the lean and the other one has retreated. In which case the non hugger then feels bad and goes in for the hug after the kiss, which just makes it all the more awkward.

And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, I have another story for you. So imagine my joy when I so beautifully assess that the person is in fact European and wanting a double kiss. All I am going to say is that I have learnt that the most crucial fact to note in these situations is the amount of space one needs to retreat before planting the second kiss. If you get this distance wrong, you then participate in a 'lip graze' kind of experience, which is not ideal and perhaps even more cringe-worthy than the crash tackle hug.

Oh me, oh my!

Feel free to tell me your cringe-worthy moments > I may need to hear them if I am ever going to allow myself back in public again. Until then, I promise to work on my hug technique and vow not to be offended if you stand back and wave 'hello' to me from a safe distance.

Much love & restrained hugs & kisses xoxo